i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
