I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
