That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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