I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
