is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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