I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The adults are the big ones right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
