..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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