I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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