he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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