Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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