wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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