Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
