Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
