my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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