now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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