I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
