just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
