I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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