Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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