How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
