He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
