I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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