you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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