Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
