So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
