Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
