The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
