If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Text me some of your sweat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
