Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
