At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
