R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
