i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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