My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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