Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
