So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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