I wish I only lived at night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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