it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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