the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
