that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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