My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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