So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
