I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
