apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
