i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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