What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
