I'm going to jail i love you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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