i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
