he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
