Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
