this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
