Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
