As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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