you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
