This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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