Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
