Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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