I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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