We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
