Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
