I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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